About the Process
In Discernment Counseling there are three paths to choose as an outcome:
Path 1: Staying the course where the couple does not choose divorce and does not start couples therapy
Path 2: Choosing separation and/or divorce.
Path 3: Choosing a six-month reconciliation period with an all-out effort in couples therapy (and using other resources), with divorce off the table and then a decision about the long-term future.
Whatever choice you make as a couple, the Discernment Counseling process is designed to increase your clarity and confidence through the one-on-one sessions with the DC therapist.
The feedback from couples who have gone through Discernment Counseling is that if they choose divorce, the outcome is more amicable and peaceful. If they choose to reconcile, they enter counseling with confidence that both people are on board and have clarity about the issues they need to work with.
Discernment Counseling's Distinctive Structure
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Short term: 1-5 sessions. Preferably weekly. A decision is made each time on whether to meet again.
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Two-hour opening session. 1.5 hour follow-up sessions.
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Both partners come for all sessions.
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Session flow: the first part with the couple together, then separate conversations with each partner followed by a brief sharing of something learned during the individual time, and then couple together at the end. (See chart below.)
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Confidentiality guideline for individual conversation: the discernment counselor does not share the specifics of what each spouse says, but is free to share impressions and reactions to each spouse when talking to the other.
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We insist that both spouses come for each session, even though they each spend part of the session in the waiting room.
My Approach
My goal in our work together is to create greater clarity and confidence in the decision-making about the future of your marriage, based on a deeper understanding of what happened to your marriage and each person’s contributions to the problems.
If, as a couple, you choose Path 1, you can take the information that you learned during the Discernment process and see if you can work on the identified issues on your own, pausing the decision of divorce.
If you choose Path 2, I will share ideas and resources on talking to your children (if there are children) and navigating the separation or the divorce with resources available in your area.
Should you both choose Path 3 and commit to couples counseling, I will refer you to a couples counselor who can support you using the work you both did during the Discernment Counseling process.
